When I was at the top of Half Dome in Yosemite, my knee was in serious pain. At the time I didn't have much hiking experience and I had just climbed the eight mile path to the top. I was sitting there tying a handkerchief around my knee, when a fellow came up and asked: "Is your knee giving you trouble?" I told him it was and he asked if I wanted to borrow a knee brace. I told him that I would if he had one to lend. Oddly enough, he did. He said that he had brought three. Two for himself and one to lend. He was determined to be a friend to someone that day and I was the lucky guy.
I don't usually need help with repairs on my bike but I constantly see strangers being friends to cyclists. I do it myself with some regularity. Fixing a flat and mending a broken chain are pretty common on the mountainbike trails. If worse comes to worse, I've both towed and been towed out. Then there's the medical situations that occur. Overheating is pretty common. So is bonking from failure to properly fuel up prior to the ride. In both instances I've been the beneficiary and benefactor from and to strangers. Friends of the moment.
I've seen panhandlers handed a meal out the window of a stopped car. I myself will give a buck or two to anyone holding a sign proclaiming:"Why lie? I need a beer." If I have occassion to go into a McDonald's in San Francisco, I always get half a dozen extra double cheeseburgers and hand them out for the next block (if they last that long). I've watched the guys in three-piece suits playing chess with the dregs of society on chess boards sitting atop TV trays for $10 a game...only to toss them a leftover pack of smokes as they walk away, whether they win or lose.
Planting a tree for someone; repairing a house with Habitat for Humanity or just doing a friend-of-a-friend a favor. Dropping a dollar into a street musician's or busker's hat. Filling a gas can at a gas station for someone with no money. Handing off that box of leftover pizza to a street urchin. Helping to push the '87 Chevy off the road. Or just lending an ear for a time at a bar or on a plane.
The world is full of examples of people being friends to strangers. Just like in "Fight Club," these are our Single-serving friends.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Friends lost, friends remembered.
Earl and Don used to ride bikes with me. We were 8. Trent went to school with me and lived in a trailer park. Jeff L. lived down the street and I would go home with him for lunch. Joey would play kickball with me.
At age ten I was hanging around with Kevin and Kyle. They we brothers. Richard lived across the street from them and Jannell a few houses down with her brother Raymond. Greg lived next door and Sheri across the park. Tommy, Mary and Maryann lived a couple blocks away with Mike, Greg and Liz on the same block. Jeff, Karen, Carrie and Susan lived a block over. Another block over was Walter, Scott and Susie. Susie and I got caught kissing in the garage and she disappeared from school. I think they shipped her off to boarding school. George, Jerry and Greg lived on the next block.
The next block didn't have a single kid on it, but it did have Rose's Market. A corner store that ran a bookmaking operation out of the back. It hit the papers on occasion and it's where I got my first beer.
The block after that had Brenda, Irene and Dorothy.
That was my whole neighborhood. These are the kids I grew up near. I've lost touch with all of them. I've seen a few of them over the years, but we had grown so far apart that we didn't reconnect.
Tommy and Mary live just down the street from me...with their mother...at age 54 (them, the mom is in her 70s)! I heard Maryann is doing well. Scott lives in his grandmother's old house. Susie's been married a couple times and has a few kids. Jeff L. went on to be valedictorian at Stanford. The other Jeff served a hitch in the state pen. Liz, who was always kinda strange, finally figured out she was gay and became a little more normal. I heard Don served a hitch in the pen too.
I would look them up, but I don't even remember their last names in most cases. Odd how the memory fades.
I'm only in touch with Mark, of whom I wrote earlier.
At age ten I was hanging around with Kevin and Kyle. They we brothers. Richard lived across the street from them and Jannell a few houses down with her brother Raymond. Greg lived next door and Sheri across the park. Tommy, Mary and Maryann lived a couple blocks away with Mike, Greg and Liz on the same block. Jeff, Karen, Carrie and Susan lived a block over. Another block over was Walter, Scott and Susie. Susie and I got caught kissing in the garage and she disappeared from school. I think they shipped her off to boarding school. George, Jerry and Greg lived on the next block.
The next block didn't have a single kid on it, but it did have Rose's Market. A corner store that ran a bookmaking operation out of the back. It hit the papers on occasion and it's where I got my first beer.
The block after that had Brenda, Irene and Dorothy.
That was my whole neighborhood. These are the kids I grew up near. I've lost touch with all of them. I've seen a few of them over the years, but we had grown so far apart that we didn't reconnect.
Tommy and Mary live just down the street from me...with their mother...at age 54 (them, the mom is in her 70s)! I heard Maryann is doing well. Scott lives in his grandmother's old house. Susie's been married a couple times and has a few kids. Jeff L. went on to be valedictorian at Stanford. The other Jeff served a hitch in the state pen. Liz, who was always kinda strange, finally figured out she was gay and became a little more normal. I heard Don served a hitch in the pen too.
I would look them up, but I don't even remember their last names in most cases. Odd how the memory fades.
I'm only in touch with Mark, of whom I wrote earlier.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Friends. Getting closer, drifting apart. A sine wave of friendship.
I used to live next door to a boy named Mark. He might have been my first friend. We played together in the park across the street. We rode bikes together and we would watch the Flintstones. They had Color TV so we always wanted to go over there and watch. When we got Color TV, watching the Flintstones together became less important. We still liked each other. He had a mean little rat-dog named Tippie who would bite on occasion.
Like Tim, Mark and I were in Boy Scouts together. We did all the scouting stuff. Rope knowledge, camp-outs, Merit Badges and hiking. As we grew older, we started experimenting with electronics and Mark came up with the "Shock box." A diabolical device than ran on a 9 volt battery and had the unique property that when you connected these two wires together, nothing would happen, but when you took them apart, it would sent a shock through your arms (and chest). It didn't stop there though. If two people held hands and each had one of the wires in the other hand, it would shock them both. This was such an astonishing revelation to us that we decided to see just how many we could daisy-chain together. One at a time, we added more kids. Mark would occasionally grab the next kid's ear instead of his hand. It hurt a little, but to a young mind it was a new sensation. We got up to about eight kids when Mrs. Stump came along. Game over! Shock box confiscated by the 6th grade music teacher.
After that Mark moved across town and we lost touch. Years passed and I saw his sister on a College Campus. I had served my hitch in the Army and he had become an Air Conditioning mechanic. He was just getting back into the electronics industry and his sister put us in touch again. We would work on projects together. His strength was electronics. Mine was mechanics. A few years passed where we were close, then we drifted apart.
When I got divorced I was reaching out to everyone I had ever known, including Mark. We reattached for a time, then drifted apart again. We currently both work for the same employer and we live within three blocks of one-another. If I ride by his house and he's out, I'll stop and chat for a while. When our paths cross at work, we take a moment to catch up, but currently we have no plans to get together for anything. My welder is in his garage and I call when I need to use it.
Time will pass and I'm confident we'll grow close again, but maybe not. I've become much more athletic and I tend to associate with more athletic types these days. I think the big reason we are not staying attached any more is because of the social circle. His is different from mine. Mine is different from his. Our interests have changed and even though my creative projects are of interest to him, they have no practical interest. I'm too artsy, I guess.
Like Tim, Mark and I were in Boy Scouts together. We did all the scouting stuff. Rope knowledge, camp-outs, Merit Badges and hiking. As we grew older, we started experimenting with electronics and Mark came up with the "Shock box." A diabolical device than ran on a 9 volt battery and had the unique property that when you connected these two wires together, nothing would happen, but when you took them apart, it would sent a shock through your arms (and chest). It didn't stop there though. If two people held hands and each had one of the wires in the other hand, it would shock them both. This was such an astonishing revelation to us that we decided to see just how many we could daisy-chain together. One at a time, we added more kids. Mark would occasionally grab the next kid's ear instead of his hand. It hurt a little, but to a young mind it was a new sensation. We got up to about eight kids when Mrs. Stump came along. Game over! Shock box confiscated by the 6th grade music teacher.
After that Mark moved across town and we lost touch. Years passed and I saw his sister on a College Campus. I had served my hitch in the Army and he had become an Air Conditioning mechanic. He was just getting back into the electronics industry and his sister put us in touch again. We would work on projects together. His strength was electronics. Mine was mechanics. A few years passed where we were close, then we drifted apart.
When I got divorced I was reaching out to everyone I had ever known, including Mark. We reattached for a time, then drifted apart again. We currently both work for the same employer and we live within three blocks of one-another. If I ride by his house and he's out, I'll stop and chat for a while. When our paths cross at work, we take a moment to catch up, but currently we have no plans to get together for anything. My welder is in his garage and I call when I need to use it.
Time will pass and I'm confident we'll grow close again, but maybe not. I've become much more athletic and I tend to associate with more athletic types these days. I think the big reason we are not staying attached any more is because of the social circle. His is different from mine. Mine is different from his. Our interests have changed and even though my creative projects are of interest to him, they have no practical interest. I'm too artsy, I guess.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What do we do for each other?
With all the friendships we have, what use are they? What do we do for each other?
I have a friend who only calls me because she knows I’ll say something to lift her spirits. She also comes over for the same reason. I have a friend who only calls me so he can rant about Twitter or Facebook. Then he brings beer over to attempt to bring the point home. Another only calls when he needs help fixing his bike, then he comes out to ride with me. Yet another calls when he needs help figuring out how to use his computer, then he gifts me with the product of his labors. I have friends who call when they want to hear my voice and I have friends who never call at all.
I have a friend I only call when I need my grammar checked or I miss hearing her voice. Most of my friends are pretty smart so I end up calling quite a few of them for advice on all manner of subjects. Some of them own things I want so I call to find out where they got theirs and if it was the best place, or should I go somewhere else?
Some friends are txt only. When I call, it always goes to voicemail, but they’ll immediately txt me back and keep the txt conversation going for hours. I get their undivided attention…in 30 second chunks. Then there are message board friends with whom I engage in debate...often until they become irrational and lose control. That's always funny.
Winery friends; cycling friends; cooking friends; running friends or inventing friends. It seems I have friends for every reason. Or do I? Where are my car washing friends? What about my roof gutter cleaning or leaf raking friends? Or my floor mopping, oil changing or ironing friends?
At least I have my dish washing friends.
In the end, helping my friends and making their lives better is very rewarding for me. It's almost like volunteering. In fact, I would rather be on the "giving more" end of things for that very reason.
Do you need a hand, my friend? Call me. I'll help if I'm able.
I have a friend who only calls me because she knows I’ll say something to lift her spirits. She also comes over for the same reason. I have a friend who only calls me so he can rant about Twitter or Facebook. Then he brings beer over to attempt to bring the point home. Another only calls when he needs help fixing his bike, then he comes out to ride with me. Yet another calls when he needs help figuring out how to use his computer, then he gifts me with the product of his labors. I have friends who call when they want to hear my voice and I have friends who never call at all.
I have a friend I only call when I need my grammar checked or I miss hearing her voice. Most of my friends are pretty smart so I end up calling quite a few of them for advice on all manner of subjects. Some of them own things I want so I call to find out where they got theirs and if it was the best place, or should I go somewhere else?
Some friends are txt only. When I call, it always goes to voicemail, but they’ll immediately txt me back and keep the txt conversation going for hours. I get their undivided attention…in 30 second chunks. Then there are message board friends with whom I engage in debate...often until they become irrational and lose control. That's always funny.
Winery friends; cycling friends; cooking friends; running friends or inventing friends. It seems I have friends for every reason. Or do I? Where are my car washing friends? What about my roof gutter cleaning or leaf raking friends? Or my floor mopping, oil changing or ironing friends?
At least I have my dish washing friends.
In the end, helping my friends and making their lives better is very rewarding for me. It's almost like volunteering. In fact, I would rather be on the "giving more" end of things for that very reason.
Do you need a hand, my friend? Call me. I'll help if I'm able.
Monday, January 3, 2011
My newest friend! A joyous gain!
At what point does an acquaintance become a friend?
I meet new people all the time. Shop owners, for instance. Nice people whose job it is to be likable. Are they your friends? Sometimes, but usually not. Even if they like you, it doesn't make them your friend. Even if you both like each other, that doesn't make you friends.
I like the people I work with and they like me, but are we friends? Generally not. I don't know where any of them live. The only reason I have any of their phone numbers is because I have the on-call list. We share no common interests. They don't run, ride bikes or work out. If they drink or dance, they don't do it at any of the places I go. These people travel in a completely different social circle than I...assuming they travel in a social circle at all. Judging by their conversations, most of them watch a whole lot of TV.
I attempted to answer the question at the top, and failed. Given two identical sets of circumstances with the only difference being the people involved, it will not necessarily yield two friendships.
In the end you get to choose your friends, assuming they choose you too. Personally, I try to become friends with most of the people I meet.
As far as my newest friend goes, I can't even tell you that. Today's newest friend could be someone I've only known for two weeks, or it could be someone who has been an acquaintance for five years and only recently became closer. I don't even know how to tell anymore.
This is going to be a real challenge to write about friends every day for the next 28 days. Here we are at day three and I'm already running out of material.
I meet new people all the time. Shop owners, for instance. Nice people whose job it is to be likable. Are they your friends? Sometimes, but usually not. Even if they like you, it doesn't make them your friend. Even if you both like each other, that doesn't make you friends.
I like the people I work with and they like me, but are we friends? Generally not. I don't know where any of them live. The only reason I have any of their phone numbers is because I have the on-call list. We share no common interests. They don't run, ride bikes or work out. If they drink or dance, they don't do it at any of the places I go. These people travel in a completely different social circle than I...assuming they travel in a social circle at all. Judging by their conversations, most of them watch a whole lot of TV.
I attempted to answer the question at the top, and failed. Given two identical sets of circumstances with the only difference being the people involved, it will not necessarily yield two friendships.
In the end you get to choose your friends, assuming they choose you too. Personally, I try to become friends with most of the people I meet.
As far as my newest friend goes, I can't even tell you that. Today's newest friend could be someone I've only known for two weeks, or it could be someone who has been an acquaintance for five years and only recently became closer. I don't even know how to tell anymore.
This is going to be a real challenge to write about friends every day for the next 28 days. Here we are at day three and I'm already running out of material.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
My oldest friendship. A tragic loss!
I first met my friend Tim in 1973. We were in Boy Scouts together. He was a year ahead of me at school, but we shared some classes. We both had a love of bikes and all things mechanical. We were obsessive about it and always carried a Swiss Army knife and a 10” Crescent Wrench in our pockets so we could disassemble whatever mechanical thing we may have come across. We both went on to become highly competent mechanics of bicycles, motorcycles and cars. We would skip school and go on adventures on our bikes. At the time, the old California State Fairgrounds were very near by and had been abandoned. There were lots of "truant officer free" paths in there. Back then the entire American River was open to bikes and cars so we would spend time there too.
Beginning in about 1974, we introduced some new elements into our social life. Beer and pot! On Friday nights we would wait outside the local corner grocery store hoping someone would buy us a quart of beer. Someone always did. As time progressed, so did we. Friday nights turned into Friday and Saturday nights. Then came hashish. Later cocaine and LSD. For him, crank came on the menu too. I never liked it because it felt like a hot nail being shoved up my nose. We smoked cigarettes too.
Once we got our drivers licenses we stopped riding our bikes and began to gain weight. Tim was heavier than me. When I turned 18, I went into the Army and they kept me pretty fit. I quit smoking for nearly a year. A bike was my main transportation and I continue to ride to this day. When I got out three years later, Tim was ten pounds heavier.
He continued to drink every day, and overeat, and smoke cigarettes, and smoke pot, and snort crank. For the next thirty years he continued to indulge himself daily. Never exercising. Constantly gaining weight.
We kinda' lost touch for the last fifteen years or so. I would see him a few times a year. Our paths would cross at the post office or the market and we would chat for half an hour then walk away promising to call, but never actually calling. Our friendship had evaporated in time.
One day there was a knock at my door. It was Tim's sister. After thirty-five years of self indulgence, Tim died of congestive heart failure at age 51. He weighed over 300 pounds and hadn't gotten any exercise in years. He left no progeny and all you can say about him was that he was a good friend to those close to him; he was really smart; he had really great hair; and he really knew how to party!
What can we take away from this story? Friends, live a fit and active lifestyle! If you're overweight, change your habits and become more healthy. Get some exercise. Become an athlete. Eat right. Quit smoking and drink in moderation. Live with your health in mind.
If you're a friend and you need a companion to keep you motivated, we can set up some time. I'll help you in whatever way I'm able. Sign up for a 5k run (that's 3 miles) and train for it. Get a bike. Do something to get your heart rate up every day! I would much prefer you show up at my funeral than me at your's.
Beginning in about 1974, we introduced some new elements into our social life. Beer and pot! On Friday nights we would wait outside the local corner grocery store hoping someone would buy us a quart of beer. Someone always did. As time progressed, so did we. Friday nights turned into Friday and Saturday nights. Then came hashish. Later cocaine and LSD. For him, crank came on the menu too. I never liked it because it felt like a hot nail being shoved up my nose. We smoked cigarettes too.
Once we got our drivers licenses we stopped riding our bikes and began to gain weight. Tim was heavier than me. When I turned 18, I went into the Army and they kept me pretty fit. I quit smoking for nearly a year. A bike was my main transportation and I continue to ride to this day. When I got out three years later, Tim was ten pounds heavier.
He continued to drink every day, and overeat, and smoke cigarettes, and smoke pot, and snort crank. For the next thirty years he continued to indulge himself daily. Never exercising. Constantly gaining weight.
We kinda' lost touch for the last fifteen years or so. I would see him a few times a year. Our paths would cross at the post office or the market and we would chat for half an hour then walk away promising to call, but never actually calling. Our friendship had evaporated in time.
One day there was a knock at my door. It was Tim's sister. After thirty-five years of self indulgence, Tim died of congestive heart failure at age 51. He weighed over 300 pounds and hadn't gotten any exercise in years. He left no progeny and all you can say about him was that he was a good friend to those close to him; he was really smart; he had really great hair; and he really knew how to party!
What can we take away from this story? Friends, live a fit and active lifestyle! If you're overweight, change your habits and become more healthy. Get some exercise. Become an athlete. Eat right. Quit smoking and drink in moderation. Live with your health in mind.
If you're a friend and you need a companion to keep you motivated, we can set up some time. I'll help you in whatever way I'm able. Sign up for a 5k run (that's 3 miles) and train for it. Get a bike. Do something to get your heart rate up every day! I would much prefer you show up at my funeral than me at your's.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Friends!
I've signed on for National Blog Posting Month and the topic is Friends! So let's talk about friends. They come in all types, shapes and sizes. Today I'd like to talk about types of friends and what they mean to me.
Friends
For me, friendship is transient. Friends from years ago are no longer. Some died, some changed in ways I could not condone and some decided they didn't like me any more. Very few did things that made me abandon them. Some people become friends for just a few months, some for just a few years. I take what I can get and cherish it while it lasts because eventually it could fade. When it does, I'm saddened by it, but I learned long ago not to let it tear me up inside. Most of my friendships that end do so because the other person decides that I was thinking something they could not stand. When that happens, I don't know how to deal with it. People don't realize this but if they need my help, all they have to do is ask and I'll do whatever I am able to assist. I also do a lot to hold up the friendship. After a while, if it looks like it's a one sided friendship, I stop making the effort and it evaporates.
Facebook friends!
These are typically my closest friends. Any of my Facebook friends are welcome to my private email address, my cell phone number and are welcome to call me any time they need help. These are people who I know well enough that I would do them a favor on a moment's notice. People whose foibles I'm willing to overlook. This is my self-selected family and I love them. It's very likely I'm closer to most of them than they are to me, and that's OK.
Yelp Friends!
These are people whose writing I admire, or who admire my writing. Specifically my reviews of businesses. Some of them I know personally, some I don't. Some are fans of mine and I am a fan of some of them. Sometimes it's mutual. Always, my Yelp friends are people I'm willing to have some personal interaction with and I'm open to becoming closer friends with them.
LinkedIn Friends
These are people whom I admire professionally and I want to glom on to their notoriety for my own personal gain. I'm happy to let them glom onto mine (such as it is) and I would do whatever I'm able to help them out.
Foursquare Friends
These people are in a unique category. I want these people to know where I am and they are welcome to pop in any time they see me checked in on Foursquare. If I send my location to Twitter also, the whole world is welcome to join. I only accept Foursquare friend requests from people I have actually met in person, but I send friend requests to people I want to meet. Celebrities like Leo LaPorte, Dick Debartolo and Gary Fisher. People I admire and would like to become friends with.
Twitter Friends
Twitter friends post links to things I like to read or things I want to hear about. Some are my personal friends and their tweets come right to my cell phone. Some, like the Sacramento Police Department, also come right to my cell phone so I can keep abreast of where the drunk driving spot checks are. Some of these people get unfriended because they run spambots and their twitter stream is nothing but thoughtless recommendations to follow everyone they follow...every five minutes all day long!
Instructables Friends
People who build things. I admire their creativity or they admire mine.
I don't know what other kinds of friend there are, but I know they'll surface sooner or later.
Friends
For me, friendship is transient. Friends from years ago are no longer. Some died, some changed in ways I could not condone and some decided they didn't like me any more. Very few did things that made me abandon them. Some people become friends for just a few months, some for just a few years. I take what I can get and cherish it while it lasts because eventually it could fade. When it does, I'm saddened by it, but I learned long ago not to let it tear me up inside. Most of my friendships that end do so because the other person decides that I was thinking something they could not stand. When that happens, I don't know how to deal with it. People don't realize this but if they need my help, all they have to do is ask and I'll do whatever I am able to assist. I also do a lot to hold up the friendship. After a while, if it looks like it's a one sided friendship, I stop making the effort and it evaporates.
Facebook friends!
These are typically my closest friends. Any of my Facebook friends are welcome to my private email address, my cell phone number and are welcome to call me any time they need help. These are people who I know well enough that I would do them a favor on a moment's notice. People whose foibles I'm willing to overlook. This is my self-selected family and I love them. It's very likely I'm closer to most of them than they are to me, and that's OK.
Yelp Friends!
These are people whose writing I admire, or who admire my writing. Specifically my reviews of businesses. Some of them I know personally, some I don't. Some are fans of mine and I am a fan of some of them. Sometimes it's mutual. Always, my Yelp friends are people I'm willing to have some personal interaction with and I'm open to becoming closer friends with them.
LinkedIn Friends
These are people whom I admire professionally and I want to glom on to their notoriety for my own personal gain. I'm happy to let them glom onto mine (such as it is) and I would do whatever I'm able to help them out.
Foursquare Friends
These people are in a unique category. I want these people to know where I am and they are welcome to pop in any time they see me checked in on Foursquare. If I send my location to Twitter also, the whole world is welcome to join. I only accept Foursquare friend requests from people I have actually met in person, but I send friend requests to people I want to meet. Celebrities like Leo LaPorte, Dick Debartolo and Gary Fisher. People I admire and would like to become friends with.
Twitter Friends
Twitter friends post links to things I like to read or things I want to hear about. Some are my personal friends and their tweets come right to my cell phone. Some, like the Sacramento Police Department, also come right to my cell phone so I can keep abreast of where the drunk driving spot checks are. Some of these people get unfriended because they run spambots and their twitter stream is nothing but thoughtless recommendations to follow everyone they follow...every five minutes all day long!
Instructables Friends
People who build things. I admire their creativity or they admire mine.
I don't know what other kinds of friend there are, but I know they'll surface sooner or later.
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